Walking on afternoons

Long walks after work recently became a habit I enjoy doing. I realized it’s better than riding public transport in the middle of rush hour traffic when grumpy drivers are in rage. Unlike any other walkers around, I walk home to kill time. Most of the time I’ll notice that the same people would walk past by me with a strange blank stare. I wonder if these people also remember me as we cross paths.

Everyday could be a unique experience while walking myself home, I thought. It could be a pink sky against electricity posts or a lineup of dried leaves on top of rusty roofs, or sometimes politicians’ photoshopped faces masquerading along construction sites. I obviously have a lot of things to think about and it’s this habit that makes it stop.

Often times I see old men about 40 year olds wearing protective hard hats and neon sleeves. I always make way for them cause they remind me of my grandfather. He was once a maintenance personnel of Philippine National Railways, gotten old with the Department and he always wears his hard hat even after he’s retired. I remember his stiff jaw during photo ops and the way he clicks his toungue while scratching his head, as if he owned all problems in the world. I miss my grandfather as much as I miss my parents, my occasionally- sweet parents. They were once firm to teach me how to earn people’s trust. I instantly thought I was successful that I earned theirs and my grandfather’s.

For someone who’s got dreams that seem impossible, fear would be inevitable and I am honestly scared shit that I might make it too late. I live far from my family and you’ll see within my articles how I’m stressing it out. Because I admit that sometimes I find it hard to live all by myself. This fact that I’m in far distance from them makes me feel motivated to keep the pace. I always have something to look forward to. Just like any other child, the goal is to make your parents proud.

I went out of office leaving my coleagues on their laptops, and I kind of felt guilty for not doing the same. Maybe I was just too excited to go home and plan for my Holy Week trip. Surprisingly, I was able to draft a detailed 4-day trip itinerary that was actually planned out budget-wise. I was thrilled that I’m able to book an inn and a vehicle for my whole family. I’m finally seeing my mama and papa but grandpa told them he won’t be able to join this year. I wonder why he changed his mind. I was really looking forward to telling him how healthy and well I am now especially that he’s always the one my mom assigned to look after me when I was ill and having the worst nausea in the world. The last time we saw each other was Christmas and I’ve missed his birthday for four years already.

We are 5 in the family and I always have a spot for a plus one whenever we have plans, trips, excursions and it’s always for grandpa.

I’ve crossed four blocks and I only have three left before I make it home, I finally reached the edgy house along Zapote. Part of its beauty are layers of protective electric wires. Fronting the huge house were small compact houses with children running around it. I have two options of passage and I always choose this side because it’s far from the chaos of the hole-inflicted main roads in Makati. Car owners are dominating the roads with its double parked cars, and construction sites don’t care about their neighbors that they covered the entire walk way for their operations. Are we supposed to fly through these areas? Too many of these just makes me feel dizzy.

“But that’s okay I’ll just avoid the holes so you’ll sleep fine. 

I’m driving here I sit, cursing my government, for not using my taxes to fill holes with more cement.” Tear in my Heart – Twenty One Pilots

I finally reached home and the first thing I always do is think about the next day’s routine. Random stuff gets into my head and always lead me to doing unusual crafts or recipes that I don’t usually notice happening. Or serious #adulting matters like weekly budget, monthly bills, get togethers, film review gigs, an impossible future or the food to eat to cap the day. Sometimes I just look forward to watching my favorite series or turn up my speakers and sing my lungs out along with an old playlist.

Everyday, after long walks I would realize that I got all the time in the world to free my thoughts from toxic emotional spills. Everyday, after six o’clock my story goes this way, familiar and random. I will never be tired planning my days ahead until I reach my next family holiday. 😊

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