The first thing I had in mind was quit. People my age are doing well in their career paths and I’m here acting like a bum who doesn’t have any idea where she’s going. It’s been my second year of employment, yet nothing new or life-changing is happening. Time to switch paths, maybe? I wish it was that easy. As someone who lives a thousand miles away from her parents, I needed a stable job to pay my own bills, and as the eldest child who’s first to earn, I had to help my parents on my brother’s college tuition fees, quitting was never really an option for me.
I used to envy kids who were brought up privileged, those kids sent to prestigious universities for they don’t have to prove or babble their achievements just to get in the game. The name, the prestige says it all. Let’s face it though, it’s a lot easier than starting from scratch. When I started budding myself into being independent, I’ve grown amazed on how our parents raised us, built us. I realized I’ve complained too much and have been selfish with my decisions. But our parents never cease to do their best to support us, even if they have so little. I’ve grown inside a household with a lot of restrictions and we had very limited resources, these qualities helped me survive this post- graduate phase.
Mama would always say that I shouldn’t depend anything to anybody, that I can’t trust people when the worst possible moment comes. ‘Cause at the end of the day, people have their own woes to seal shut.
My friends were in a hurry to look for a job right after graduation. It was true that there’s tough competition and as fresh graduates, we were too damn excited counting caprices to splurge on. It took me six months to finally decide and start walking towards my chosen path. The provinciana from Naga City moved to the metro, a thousand miles away from her parents. I wanted to know if I can do it on my own, wearing off the expectations of people who used to know me.
It was really exciting but it wasn’t easy. Starting a new life outside your comfort zone is like learning a new language. You’ll have no idea where to begin and you start to doubt your life’s biggest decisions, but you feel powerful believing you’ll earn another point at trying. Every graduate should be open to these harsh possibilities. That 1. You might not get a job, 2. You might end up under- employed, or 3. You might go back to square one with a lot of disappointments. The only thing I did was wait. Post grad life doesn’t end with having a job, it’s also finding something that will make your time worth spending. Never trade your life with anything that seem glamorous, keep an eye on your principles, be firm about your goals and take care of yourself. I figured that’s exactly the life I was looking for.
For two years, I had two jobs with acceptable compensation, but none of these made me feel satisfied. Friends would say it’s acceptable to crave since I was too young to find out what I’m looking for, contrary to what my mom would say, that I had to live with it for a while. I was probably living it a little too fast that even my goals won’t catch up its expected deadline. It took me seasons to finally see myself as an independent kid. It wasn’t easy to believe that I just once wished to become one of the gypsies I look up to, having a place to myself, paying my own rent and bills, spending the money I worked hard for on food, investments and online games of my choice. These things made my parents really proud, that despite our previous financial difficulties and health issues, they managed to raise us with positive perspectives and good education. Their hard-earned investments and days of endless scolding turned their daughter into an independent citizen who now pay government taxes.
This one’s for people who are struggling with the same sentiment as I have. Maybe someday without any signs, the universe might surprise us with overwhelming butterflies. Count your blessings and see for yourself how far you’ve come, maybe you overlooked the chances that were once in your hands. Right now, I still have no idea what I’m gonna be in the future but as long as I’m doing the right things with enough patience to wait, I’ll have my answers. Never envy the kids you see happy, they had their time too, they had their questions too.
What I actually quit was facebook.